Let Me Tell You Something Read online

  But even without the makeup, I always make sure I look presentable. If you think you’ve become a hot mess, turn it around. Be the best you there is. You’ve got three kids and no time? I was there. If you have to shampoo your hair at 2:00 AM, so be it. I used to put all three kids on the bathroom floor while I showered. I’d give them games to play and I’d pop my head out of the shower every two minutes and check on them. There’s no reason for sloppiness. You should never look like you just got dragged through mud. Take a little care with yourself, take a little pride in yourself, and you’ll be amazed at how much better everything else feels . . .

  A clean-shaven . . . face?

  My one beauty secret is that I shave my face every day. I’m not a hairy person, I’ve never had peach fuzz on my face. It’s a matter of exfoliation, it takes off the top layer of dead skin, and I swear by it.

  People always laugh at me when I talk about it, and that’s fine. They can. About fifteen years ago, my sister went for a facial, and the beautician she went to was a gorgeous Swedish woman of about seventy. She was amazed by how beautiful she was and asked how she managed to keep looking so young and vibrant. She was so shocked when the woman told her that she shaved her face every day, and that was how she kept her skin looking so great.

  My favorite beauty products

  1. Darphin is a phenomenal skin care line.

  2. Dr. Perricone’s Skin and Total Body Supplements are great for my skin—they’re a collection of vitamins that you take daily.

  3. Kiehl’s lip balm is my secret weapon.

  4. Giorgio Armani and Makeup Forever foundations are my absolute favorites.

  5. Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer and foundation match my skin perfectly.

  6. L’Oréal mascara is the best, and it’s cheap at the drugstore!

  I shave from just under my eyes all the way down my face and down my neck. It was never a matter of hair. I can go three weeks without shaving my legs. I don’t know if this would work for someone who has a bit more fuzz on their face, but I don’t get any bristles or any rough patches. Quite the opposite—I just get smooth, glowing skin. I don’t even use shaving cream—I just do it in the shower every day with whatever soap I’m using. See? This is what I’m talking about—you just take a few minutes extra each day and put yourself together.

  People think my job is

  glamorous—but I think

  photo shoots are hell!

  Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not photogenic at all. I know this, and I’m OK with it. And yet here I am, working in a medium in which photo shoots are a fact of life.

  I hate seeing myself in pictures in magazines. I’m probably the only Housewife who never looks at the proofs when we do photo shoots. As soon as we are done, everyone runs over to the computer to see what the pictures have turned out like. Not me. I thank the photographer and I walk away.

  Lauren Manzo’s five-minute face

  Make sure your skin is always clean and healthy, that will give you a head start to always look great! Exfoliate, moisturize, and apply masks regularly. Try to avoid letting your skin dry out. If you keep it nice and moisturized, it will help with makeup application and prevent aging.

  1. Take a corrector concealer pen in a peachy color and pat it under your eyes to correct dark circles.

  2. Take an olive concealer and put that on any blemish.

  3. Next, put a tinted moisturizer over your whole face. It’s key to have your exact shade, so go to a salon like Cafface and have them pick your shade for you. Always go a little lighter than your skin tone, and make sure it blends.

  4. Next, it’s time for either a light pressed powder or a bronzer, depending on your skin tone and your goal. Less is always more when it comes to powder. I like a little bronzer right on my cheeks and a bit under my chin, just to contour the face. Again, blending is key.

  5. Get a light peachy blush, and just lightly apply to the apple of your cheeks. When you smile, it’s the curved, rounded part of each cheek.

  6. Finally, apply a light mascara. Start at the very root of your lash and wiggle the brush at the base of the eyelash, then brush it out. Don’t worry about eye shadow—this is your five-minute face. You’re going for a nearly nude, clean look. If you want to do a light eyeliner, use a nice color like a green or purple, but just apply it lightly on the outer edges of your eyes.

  7. For everyday, a nice light lip is fine. If you have naturally pink lips, just use balm. Otherwise, use a lightly tinted balm, or a good gloss. You’re going for a fresh look, so don’t overdo it.

  What’s the point? I’m probably not going to like what I see, and there’s nothing I can do about it. They can’t reshoot the whole day.

  I’ve never been comfortable posing in front of a camera, but I know it’s part of my job, so I suck it up. To me, it doesn’t feel natural to be smiling just because you’re being told to. When I’m in front of a photographer, and he just keeps saying “SMILE!” over and over, smiling is the last thing I feel like doing. It’s crazy when you’re on the red carpet and you see people who know exactly how to position themselves for the hundreds of cameras. They stand perfectly still and they move their face from left to right, slowly. They probably stop eight times, and each time they give the perfect angle to the photographers. I can’t even conceive of trying to do this. Look at my red carpet photos! I’m a mess of stupid expressions, double chins, and blurry hands.

  BEHIND THE SCENES

  Lauren has done my makeup for the last three reunion shows. She does Jacqueline’s too. She also does our makeup for all the interview sessions that we film during the season. I love it—she helps me relax in between takes and keeps my sanity intact. She also gets paid for these makeup jobs, so it’s a great booking for her, professionally. When it comes to the regular day-to-day shooting, I do my own makeup. I’m not great, but I’m getting better at it. Next season, I think I’ll just pop into Cafface in the mornings before I film my scenes.

  I see the same photographers at every event. I recognize their faces and I even know some of their names. So when I see them, I’m waving hi or asking them if they’re doing OK; I’m not thinking about sticking my chest out and positioning my legs so I look thinner than I am. I don’t care if I make it onto the worst dressed lists either. I’ve had good outfits, bad outfits, and wardrobe malfunctions. I’ve posed in sparkly dresses in New York’s best photo studios. What gets me through the awkwardness of these shoots is the knowledge that one day, all of this will just be something to amuse my grandchildren.

  Caroline’s tips for posing for photos

  Even though I hate photo shoots, I’ve learned a few simple tips that will help you look like a star in front of the camera.

  1. Always cross your ankles, with one foot slightly back behind the other. This gives your legs a more slender line.

  2. Put your weight on one leg, and gently bend the other one.

  3. Turn your hips on a slight angle toward the camera. That will make them look a lot less wide.

  4. Raise your chin and try to keep your face toward the lens of the camera.

  5. Learn the planes of your face. We all have an “angle” that works for us. Spend some time practicing in the mirror!

  6. Don’t stare down the camera. Try to make eye contact with the photographer, if you can, or just focus on his forehead if not.

  7. Be natural. Smile like you would if someone told you a joke.

  8. Put one hand on your hip, and let the other hand rest on your thigh. Avoid letting your free hand hang awkwardly.

  What I really love are candid photos. If you look around my house, you’ll notice that 90 percent of the photos I’ve put in frames are candid. These photos show real moments, they capture real smiles. That’s the way I like to be photographed: when I am not expecting it, and when I’m focused on something else that makes me happy. Some of the best photos of me are ones that Albert has taken without my knowledge, of me laughing at a joke or smiling at someone. There are plen
ty of pictures of me with no makeup on, playing with my kids or hanging out with my husband, and I love them. It doesn’t matter if you look good in photos, it matters if you like the memory they capture for you. I’m constantly taking photos with my phone of my kids, my nephews and nieces. I never ask them to pose or fake it, I just try to capture moments that I want to remember.

  Photos, for me, are heirlooms. They’re memories. And that’s why it’s important to keep them honest and pure. Next time someone tells you to smile when you don’t feel like it, just let your face do whatever it wants. Show them how you feel, and the rest will fall into place.

  This face is mine and I’m

  not going to change it!

  There are so many times I look in the mirror with my hands placed on either side of my forehead, tightly pulling my skin back and up. I fleetingly think, “Ooh, I should do this or that, I could nip this and tuck that.” And then I snap out of it, take a step back, really look at my face with all of its flaws and realize: this is me. I’ve been living with my face my whole life. It’s not the best face, nor is it the most beautiful, but it’s the one I was born with. It’s my face and it’s what I was given and it’s what I’m going to wear. I’ll wear it the best way I know how, and I’ll do it with confidence.

  As much as I like to look my best, I’m not that concerned with beauty at all. I have decided that I’m going to be happy with whatever time does to my face, and I’ll work with what I’ve got naturally.

  Think about people that you’ve known in your life who could be considered plain. As you’ve gotten to know them and seen their qualities, they’ve become beautiful to you. Personality makes a person shine, it really does. A great sense of humor can add sparkle to a person’s eyes. A kind heart can brighten someone’s smile. Personality can do a lot more to make you beautiful than a face-lift!

  In my opinion, plastic surgery doesn’t turn back the clock as much as it turns you into someone else. I see a lot of women who’ve had face-lifts in an attempt to look younger. But they don’t look younger. In fact, all of their faces end up looking the same, especially if they went to the same plastic surgeon! They’re not fooling anyone. When I come across these ladies, all I see is an older woman who’s had a face-lift. No matter how hard she tries to cheat Father Time, she’ll never win.

  By the bottle

  My natural hair color is brown. Plain, mousy brown. These days it’s also going gray really quickly. I first went red when I was very young. One day I went to the salon and the woman asked if I wanted to go red. I said sure, and that was that. I didn’t think about it, but I liked it and I’ve stuck with it. I don’t really care too much about my hair, I figure that the hairstylist knows more about hair than I do, so I let them do whatever they think is best. I don’t’ stress about it, and if I hate what they do, I know it’ll grow out pretty quickly. The red was never premeditated, but I love it. It’s so much brighter than my mousy brown. These days, they do low lights and highlights and all this other stuff, and it looks great. I’ll stay a redhead for the rest of my life!

  I’m happy for my face to look fifty-one. Accepting the changes that aging will bring will make me beautiful as I get older. I always meet women who swear by their surgeon. They tell me that if I just get “a little thing” done here and there, “nobody will know” that I’ve been under the knife. Yes, somebody will know: me. I just can’t do it.

  I could think of nothing worse than getting a face-lift and no longer looking like the mother my kids have known their whole lives. I wouldn’t look like the girl Al married, and that would break his heart. I know I’m going to look just like my mother when I get old, and that’s perfectly okay.

  But like I said, if you think that a face-lift will make you happy, go right ahead. For me, I want my grandkids to look at my own face, not a science project.

  Don’t touch my face,

  but tuck my tummy away.

  I know a lot of people who had substantial plastic surgery, and I’m actually OK with it if that’s what they want. I don’t have anything against plastic surgery or people who choose to get it. I just would never want to do anything that would alter my face, my expressions, my personal identity.

  But in the spirit of full disclosure, I had a tummy tuck when I was forty. I’d had three kids, and I had this tiny little pouch of skin that sagged over the front of my pants. I used to call it the baby’s ass. That’s just what it looked like. I went to the surgeon, and he told me that no amount of diet or exercise could ever make it go away. The elasticity was gone.

  At that time, I had to buy my pants two sizes bigger to accommodate this pouch, and it was just no fun anymore. I wanted to buy pants that fit. So I said screw it and went in for the tummy tuck. They removed two pounds of excess skin around my waist, and I was able to buy pants in my size. I’m not ashamed to talk about it.

  On the flip side, I have always refused to get my breasts reduced. My chest is so big, and that comes with a lot of inconveniences—the backaches—and there’s the fact that I’m very short, so I always look top-heavy. But for some reason, I just can’t bring myself to do it.

  I tell myself my tummy tuck was a practical decision. A breast reduction would be more frivolous. I can always buy a size twelve top and have it altered down to a six so that it fits my chest and waist. I could never get pants altered in a way that fit nicely when I had my tummy pouch.

  I’ll never say never, but I’m pretty positive that I’m done with plastic surgery for the rest of my life.

  My sons will never see

  me in a bikini!

  We are living in a MILF world. Women in their forties and fifties are starting to think it’s OK to dress like twenty-year-old club kids. It drives me crazy. As much as I love my body, I think it would make my sons uncomfortable to see me in a bikini, and I will never ever wear one in front of them!

  I am not a fan of women who think it’s cool to wear bikinis around their kid’s friends. There’s nothing good about being a MILF. Grow up. If you have to be something, be a WILF, be a wife that somebody wants to, you know. But don’t do it around your own kids. Save the cougar act for your next girls’ trip to Vegas. If I go away with my husband, I’m going to wear a bikini. Let me tell you, at fifty-one, I’m proud that I can still wear a bikini and look good. But that’s for him. It’s private, between us.

  Lauren’s weight struggle—in her own words

  I’ve always been a big kid. When I was younger, I was heavy, and I remember my grandma asking me how old I was. I remember thinking that she knew exactly how old I was, but she thought I was big for my age. I’ve been aware of my weight my entire life.

  My mom would always get certain outfits for me and she’d buy me things like cargo shorts instead of the tiny shorts my skinny friends were wearing, or I’d have to wear boardshorts instead of a bikini. I could never have the cool clothes I wanted because of my size. I wore jerseys and overalls because I hated how I looked.

  My mom knew I was miserable and she always tried to help me lose weight by making me eat healthful food and talking to me about exercise, but I hated her for it. I didn’t want to change my habits. And it felt like everyone was talking about my weight when I wasn’t in the room.

  When I was a teenager, my dad got me a personal trainer, and for a while that was great, but that was also the start of my yo-yo dieting. I’d lose and gain, over and over, and my mom was always the one to give me a look when I was eating something bad. Now, in hindsight, I know she was trying to help me because she could see how depressed I was over my size.

  I look at Vito and me, and how we’re both genetically predisposed to being overweight. I know that if we have kids, they’re going to be freakin’ huge. And I’m going to have to be even tougher on my kids than my mom was on me. I don’t want my own kids to have the same struggles that I had and that Vito still has.

  This year, I got my lap band surgery, and it has changed my life. I have been forced to change all my eating habits, and I�
��ve lost a lot of weight. It bothers me that people think my family forced me to do this. People say horrible things, like my family accepts me now that I’m thinner. That’s so not the case.

  My family’s concern was always my happiness. That’s why it was annoying when people said that my family was being mean to me about my weight. My mom has fat days, and she’ll say she’s eight pounds of sausage in a five-pound bag, and it’s nuts that people gave her grief for saying that about me on the TV show. I was eight pounds of sausage in a five-pound bag. I was 185 pounds. I needed to make a change. That’s when I decided to get my lap band surgery.

  I’ve always used humor to deal with my weight, and so has my family. I nicknamed my tummy Timothy. Right now he’s called Tim because I’ve lost a lot of weight. If I lose all my weight, I’ll call him T. I’ve been trying to break up with him my whole life. Every now and then he goes on vacation, but he comes back.

  Ultimately, I know that humor and love and support from my family have been the things that got me through my issues with weight. I don’t care if people don’t understand where I’m coming from or want to make a dumb comment about my weight or family, because I know the truth about my family: That their motivation was my happiness, and it still is, no matter what I weigh.

  Look at Melissa Gorga. She’s gorgeous, she has a killer body. But I bet, as her boys get older, she’s going to get a little more modest in how she dresses. It’s something that just happens. If you think your son’s friends are checking you out, cover up fast.

  It’s not hard to impress a hormonal teenage boy by parading in front of him in a bikini, but imagine the teasing your kids are going to get at school if they have the hot mom. Being a good parent is much more important than using your kids’ friends for validation!